Why can I feel emotions when I’m praying, but not when I interact with others? The only one who ever made me feel love is Jesus Christ. That’s another reason I believe in God. I gave Him all of my burdens and I felt a literal shift in my heart when I surrendered to God. I believe that God has called me. The purpose or the calling has gotten confusing over the years but I learned of his purpose for me when I ran away. All of my life, I tried to understand love until I met Jesus. I learned about the second death and how Jesus saves us from it.
Revelation 20:15 “If anyone’s name was not written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.”
Jesus literally saves us from this and all we have to do is believe in Him. That isn’t what changed me though. See, Jesus took me in like an orphan child and the change was gradual. He took me in how I was and a lot of things changed quickly like the words that came out of my mouth. And the people that had a bad influence in my life were gone. The music I listened to was strictly music that glorified God. Lets just say I was really serious and passionate for Christ. The things that remained the same were the things I thought needed to be changed the most. Let me elaborate, the things that never changed were the way I felt about other people and the fact that I cannot generate an emotional connection with others. When I tried, I surrendered everything to God and told Him to take all of me. I wanted Him to use me for His purposes. Unfortunately I still couldn’t love a person the way I was supposed to. I could only act as if I loved them. My actions seemed pure but I knew deep down that it was never enough.
My relationship with Christ was shaping me into a righteous person. I truly love God with all of my being but that love isn’t enough compared to his love for me. I used to think, “Maybe I’m just not good enough.” It was true, I could never do enough to pay for what Jesus did for me. He saved me from the dark place I called my mind. And the most I could ever offer is my complete surrender to Him. Thinking about this brings emotion to my heart. A warm feeling I’m not used to. I know that a miraculous event took place in me that has allowed me to love.
Just Me 